Humans around the world are different from each other, and that’s a good thing. We speak different languages, we look different, and we each have a unique personality. But between all the differences, there are a few things everyone has in common.
I’m not talking about the basic things, like the fact that we all need water to survive. I’m talking about the weird things that we have no explanation for, yet all of us do them. If you say you don’t run to the microwave to stop the timer with 00:01 second left, you’re lying. We all might be unique, but these things that we do prove that we’re all very much alike.
I Should Know By Now How Long It Takes To Cook Pizza Pockets
Photo credit: @marquitasade / Twitter
I have been eating pizza pockets since I was old enough to use the microwave, yet I’m still unsure how long to cook them. Not that it matters since they’ll always still be frozen in the middle and as hot as lava on the outside.
The only food I’ve mastered by now is nachos since all you have to do is cook it until the cheese melts.
Just Going To Browse The Different Types Of Almond Milk For A Few Minutes
Photo credit: @MumsBigBicep / Twitter
I only ever encounter this in the dairy aisle. I’m not sure if the dairy section is where everyone needs to stop and read every single label, but it’s where people seem to take the longest.
I now know all the different types of almond milk and cream cheeses thanks to situations like this.
Adele Should Let Me Star In Her Music Videos
Photo credit: @NickParkerMusic / Twitter
Every single kid has done this on a road trip. The conditions have to be right, but when they are, it’s basically like starring in an Adele music video. There has to be rain pouring down the window and Seal’s “Kiss From A Rose” needs to be blaring on the 1990s radio station.
If you’re ever sprinted from the bedroom to the kitchen just to stop your microwave timer, then you’ll understand the photo coming up.
Don’t Worry, No One Texts Me Anyways
Photo credit: @GavinBarrett22 / Twitter
Why do movie theatres keep warning us to turn off our cellphones? We’re living in a generation where people pay more attention to their phones than their significant others.
I communicate with my SO by sending memes, not by actually talking. So why would I ever dare silence my phone? A fire meme could be coming my way at any second.
I Need To Know The Moment It Leaves The Warehouse
Photo credit: @BreeeCass / Twitter
Amazon has actually ruined everything for us. We all used to be perfectly content if our online order came within two or three weeks. Now, if it doesn’t ship within 24 hours, we’re pissed.
If an Amazon driver doesn’t show up at my front door at 2 am to deliver the small clay pots I ordered online, then its an outrage.
I Know I Paid $3.99 For This Movie, But I Don’t Care
Photo credit: @justinshanes / Twitter
Why bother having a boring movie experience on a plane ride that’s already below-average. The way to go is to purchase the movie you want to watch, then watch a worse film with no sound between the seat crack. This is how I watched Grown Ups 2 for the first and only time.
Then Decide Whether Or Not To Reset It To Zero
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Admit it, no one likes to let the microwave count all the way down to zero. Stopping it with one second left makes you feel like you’re getting your food so much faster.
The only difference between people is whether or not you’re the type of person to reset the timer to zero, or if you leave the 00:01 there for someone else to deal with. If your mom loves to call you and waste your time, then this guy talking on the phone at home will be way too recognizable.
When Your Aunt Makes A Vegan, Gluten-Free Dessert On Christmas
Photo credit: @notyofavbitch / Twitter
This hits way too close to home for anyone with that one aunt who thinks she can cook. When will Aunt Linda realize that her broccoli casserole tastes like chalk?
One time I fully changed the garbage to make sure she wouldn’t see me throw out the gluten-free banana bread she decided to make one day on a health kick.
And See How Straight You Can Keep It
Photo credit: @KassKassy2 / Twitter
I’m not sure why we all do this, but I’ll be the first to admit it’s kind of relaxing. I always do it when I’m laying on my side and have nowhere to put my arm without it feeling awkward and falling asleep.
It’s like an imaginary teacher asked us all a question that we finally know the answer to for once.
Stop Trying To Make Talking On The Phone Happen, It’s Not Going To Happen
Photo credit: @CommonBlackGirl / Twitter
How do the people who work in call centers sit at a desk all day? I get bored after listening to my mom talk to me for more than thirty seconds on the phone.
All she’s doing is lecturing my life choices, so I might as well explore the entire house while I listen to her. I wish she’d just stick to expressing her disappointment through text. Flying cross country is awful enough. Keep reading to learn how we all make it worse for ourselves.
When The Wrong Song Comes On While You’re In The Shower
Photo credit: @FastTimesAtRF / Twitter
People who take silent showers are weird. You don’t have to belt out your own music, but if you aren’t jamming then it’s a waste of a shower.
And no, the solution to this isn’t just to get a shower radio because we aren’t living in 1987 anymore. When shower radios start supporting Bluetooth is when Millennials will buy them.
Maybe Something Other Than Fruit And Vegetables Will Magically Appear
Photo credit: @mrkruffalo / Twitter
This is all of us after we only buy healthy groceries for the week, and then it’s Tuesday night at 11 pm and you have no good snacks in the house.
There might be a fridge full of healthy fruits and veggies, but there’s no milk and cookies, so there’s literally nothing to eat.
If you’ve ever been so lazy that you won’t even change to the music app, then you’ll understand why we all do the same thing coming up.
Minus The NyQuil And Obama, This Is How We All Sleep
Photo credit: @LeahG_Thompson / Twitter
The first two-thirds of this tweet is the harshest reality. Mattress commercials have made me believe that we all sleep differently, but this convinces me that we all actually sleep in the same weird position.
I can do without the NyQuil coursing through my bloodstream, but I wouldn’t be opposed to Obama being there.
Just Smile And Nod, Smile And Nod
Photo credit: Reddit
Someone once told me that the way to seem like you’re looking into someone’s eyes is to stare at the bridge of their nose, and my life hasn’t been the same since. When I do it, I feel like they know I’m just staring at their nose.
And when I try to make eye contact, I overthink about which eye I’m focusing at on more, and then I panic.
We’ve Come Too Far To Change It Now
Photo credit: @meredithkelly15 / Twitter
This is the downside to listening to a full album from a single artist. You know there are three or four bops on there waiting to be found.
But then sometimes you accidentally suffer and forget to skip over track eleven and end up listening to a full instrumental that no one asked for. Anyone with an immune system can relate to the post coming up, but especially grown men, because they turn into babies when they get sick.
Everyone Follows Up The Babadook With Disney Movies, Right?
Photo credit: @ibeebz2 / Twitter
Only true psychopaths can watch a scary movie and go straight to bed. I had to cancel Get Out halfway through because it was too late to have time to watch Moana after.
If I’m going to have a nightmare, it better be about Scar betraying Mufasa by letting him fall off that cliff, and not about the Babadook living in my basement.
One Trip Or Bust
Photo credit: @iJesseWilliams / Twitter
Natural selection will weed out the weak ones who have to take more than one trip from the car for their groceries. This guy is putting everything he has into that one grocery trip and you have to respect him for it.
If you decide you need to use your clenched butt cheeks for help getting one trip, then just be sure to use the lightest bag there.
You Don’t Know What You’ve Got ‘Til Its Gone
Photo credit: @savagestxph / Twitter
Unless you’re one of the super-moms who never get sick, you’re like rest of us who usually get one bad cold a year.
When I have a cold, I begin to question my entire life. What was it like to have a clear nose? What was is like to not have a pounding headache 24/7? It makes me need to rethink my entire life.
The Syrup Ratio Is Almost As Frustrating As The Spaghetti Ratio
Photo credit: @djbewbz / Instagram
There are two things in life that none of us will ever figure out: how much spaghetti to cook for one person, and how much syrup is too much.
I always try to go for less syrup because I know what can happen, but then I never have enough. Then halfway through my pancake, I have no liquids left on the plate, and I’m left chewing on the dry dough.
By The End, You Have Five Different “FINAL” Versions
Photo credit: @nicodelort / Twitter
First of all, if you think “final2-FINAL” is the final draft, then you’re severely mistaken. There will be at least three more “FINAL-FINAL” drafts to go before we finish.
This is because we’re a generation that grew up with their Word documents crashing every hour. Now we instinctively save anything we do every 0.2 seconds.