Playgrounds and parks are supposed to be safe places for children to run around and have a good time. They’re spaces for parents to let their kids run wild so that they can tire themselves out before bedtime.
I wouldn’t want my children to step foot in any of these playgrounds. These places look way too dangerous. Keep reading to see some of the worst swings, slides, and teeter-totters in the world.
This Slide Is More Like A Cliff
Judging by the way the yellow paint just stops half way down the legs of this slide, I’d say this thing is meant to be anchored deep in the ground.
Then the angle of the slide would change and it wouldn’t just be a vertical cliff. Stay off of this thing, kids.
The Most Uncomfortable Slide
Ok, I get where this guy is coming from. It does look an awful lot like a slide. It’s a slide shape— but this thing is actually meant to be climbed.
I mean, you could try to slide down it if you want, but you’re probably not going to have a very good time.
I Don’t Know What I Did To Disappoint This Caterpillar
Mr. Slinky is not very happy about what you did last night. He thinks you should have known better. He’s staring into your soul.
It’s an awful lot of judgment coming from a playground fixture that doesn’t even move. What is this thing even for?
He Needs An Adult
I feel claustrophobic just looking at this. I like how the other two people in the picture are just like, “well, Frank did it again.”
I think it’s time to get out the power tools and start cutting. He can only hold that position for so long.
Is This Safe?
You know what I need? A two storey house with beautiful hardwood floors and a straight staircase. You know what I don’t need? A broken neck.
Sure, this thing looks fun, but it also looks dangerous as heck. Also, how would you get back up the stairs?
Prolapsed Elephant Slide
You know what makes zero sense about this elephant slide? An elephant’s trunk is the perfect slide shape.
Why not have the kids slide down the trunk? Explain yourself! Also, why is the slide red? I have so many questions. I want to speak to the manager.
One Man’s Tragedy Is Another Man’s Inflatable Slide
Is it too soon? How long should we wait before turning an event that resulted in the deaths of 1,500 people into a giant inflatable for our own amusement? I guess a hundred years is enough time.
What other tragedies can we pump air into? Are you having fun yet?
Meanwhile, In Russia…
At least there’s some caution tape around this play area. We all know that children always pay attention to caution tape, and will never transgress a boundary delineated by some red and white striped plastic.
Incorrect! Kids do what they want. They won’t heed the tape. They never heed the tape.
So, What Should We Do Then?
This seems pretty counterintuitive. What are we supposed to do at a playground if not play? Maybe we should play ground, as in pretend to be the ground. We should lie down and be still and let grass grow out of us.
Maybe we should perform a play on the ground— but a play that doesn’t require any running or fun whatsoever.
Where It All Started
This guy doesn’t want to adult anymore. He’d like to go back to a simpler time when work was where your dad went when he wasn’t home and breakfast was fruity pebbles in a plastic bowl.
It’s hard being a grown-up, but kids can’t buy cool motorcycles, so it all kind of evens out.
This “Play Area” In England
Um, since when is a play area a single stationary bicycle in a cage? Apparently, the backstory here is that the developers were required by law to put in a playground, so they did the absolute bare minimum.
This is honestly the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen.
I have no idea how this little playground ended up on top of a building. I do know that I would like it taken off the building so nobody slides to their untimely death.
i hope there’s like a pile of pillows or a sponge pit at the base of this building.
The Saddest Slide
This actually looks like some kind of torture device. Can we please get this little kid as far away from this monstrosity as possible?
Some kid is actually going to try to slide down this thing, and that’s going to be a bad day for everybody involved.
The Real Truth
This is the real catch-22. Would you rather feel the heat of the sun touch your buttocks through some thin nylon shorts, or receive a thousand tiny electric shocks and have your hair look crazy?
Oh, the plastic one also removes every bit of skin from your elbows. Oh, and if you’re not wearing long pants, your legs will stick to the metal one real good.
Slide Of The Year
Maybe— maybe this is a makeshift garbage chute. Maybe it’s not actually a fun looking death trap. If this thing went all the way down to the bottom, it would actually be pretty cool.
I think I’m going to have a talk with my landlord about getting one installed in my apartment.
When The Park Doesn’t Have Baby Swings…
This is actually a pretty innovative idea. Use a belt to turn a regular swing into a baby swing. The problem arises when the kid inevitably slips out of the swing and gets all tangled up in the belt.
Also, somebody is holding onto their pants for dear life right now.
I Guess We’re Done Swinging For The Day
There’s a reason those swing sets have a weight limit. Also, there’s probably a bunch of cat poop in that gravel. Gravel parks are just giant litter boxes.
It’s time to get up, dust yourself off, and walk away like nothing ever happened. That’s the noble thing to do.
I’d Like To Speak To The Designer Of This Slide
Just… why? I guess the other side is where they keep their booty. Nobody likes squeezing out of a tight space. Why not just leave the top open like a normal slide?
Why make these children relive the moment of their birth over and over again?
This Playground Train Needs Some Prozac
It’s tough being a wooden train. People are always like, “Mommy, can I sit on that?” or “Mommy, can I climb that?” Nobody ever asks, “Mommy, is that train okay?” or “Mommy, can I give that train a hug?”
It’s a lonely job, but somebody’s got to do it.
Bring Your Kids To Archery Practice
Why is there a children’s playground directly behind a bunch of archery targets? This whole arrangement seems poorly planned.
Somebody needs to move and I think it needs to be the archers. Who does archery nowadays anyway? Are you trying to be Robin Hood? We don’t have time for that kind of communism.