English speakers may dominate America, but it’s one of the hardest languages to learn. Just think about how hard contractions and tenses are to figure out if you’re not born into an English household. English even throws in curveballs like tear and tear, which mean two totally different things depending on how you pronounce it.
Luckily we have our children to save us from the complicated English language. Parents shared tweets of words their children used for everyday things, and I have to admit, they’re way better than anything humans have thought up so far. Seriously. Why didn’t I think of “flamingo witches”?
Halloween Eagle Sounds Way More Intimidating
Photo credit: @TessaDare / Twitter
I never had a problem with the word crow until I heard a way better name for it like “Halloween eagle.” A group of crows is called a “murder” so it only makes sense that they have an equally intimidating name.
It might get a bit wordy though if you have to change scarecrow to “scare-Halloween-eagle.”
‘Trimming’ Makes Way More Sense Now
Photo credit: @janna_rpw / Twitter
Men and their beards are a huge deal nowadays. So it only makes sense to change the name into something way more entertaining.
Now when guys are taking up all the bathroom time, they can at least make their partners laugh by saying they’re “trimming their face grass.”
Rhinos Have Never Received The Respect They Deserve
The name “Battle Unicorn” is hilarious until you realize it just supports the unjust treatment of rhinos. On the pecking order of animals with horns, the unicorn is number one, followed by the narwhale, and then the rhino. Rhinos have to live their life as the grey, fat version of their perfect relatives.
The kid coming up stumbled onto one of the world’s greatest conspiracies: pockets.
Is There Even A Real Name For That Body Part?
Photo credit: @hotwirefences / Twitter
So I did some investigating because when you stop to think about it, no other name makes sense for this body part.
Science says that the real name is “popliteal fossa.” But “popliteal” is the word for the knee muscle, and “fossa” means pit. So leg-pit is actually pretty close, and I think we should all agree to adopt the word.
Cemeteries Do Usually Have Some Of The Nicest Landscaping
Photo credit: @a_resistress / Twitter
I want to say this is inappropriate, but this daughter is technically not wrong. There are indeed dead people hanging out under some of the most beautiful gardens in town.
Cemeteries always have a freshly mowed lawn, perfectly cut trees, and enough flowers to make the Walmart garden center envious.
Maybe That Why Mens Clothing Has So Many More Pockets
The pocket conspiracy is all starting to make sense now. Women of the world have been denied ample pocket space for years, while men are blessed with pockets everywhere. Just look at all the snack holes on cargo shorts. A woman probably couldn’t even fit that mini KitKat in the jean pockets the fashion industry gives them.
I don’t care if they are stuffed with cheese or rock hard, I can never look at pizza crust the same after the tweet coming up.
She’s Probably Way Off Key
Photo credit: @brettspiel / Twitter
That’s a new kind of twist on Singing In The Rain. I suppose if you ate a burrito right before your tap dance solo, there might be some background singing.
If that’s going to happen, then make sure you’re passing gas in the same key as your solo, or else everyone will know it’s a farce.
What Are Slippers Then?
Photo credit: @msjennywatson / Twitter
The term “hand socks” totally make sense until you realize that it leaves you without a word for slippers. Would slippers also be socks? Or would they be hand socks for your feet?
These are the types of debates I imagine that Merriam-Webster Dictionary has to have each day.
Thats Why I Never Eat The Crust
People laugh at me for refusing to eat the pizza crust, but I bet it would be more understandable if they were called pizza bones. No one wants to eat a bone, that’s why chicken nuggets are always better than chicken wings. Pizza bones are hard, flavorless, and add no value to the rest of the pizza.
I can’t decide if the new word for “dreams” coming up is poetic or terrifying.
There Are Too Many Words For The Same Piece Of Clothing
Photo credit: @ellendev_author / Twitter
I love this kid for deciding that shorts are the original form of pants. They refuse to believe anything could come before shorts.
It opens up the question though of what a real shirt is. If we have different words for “long sleeved shirts” and “t-shirts” then what makes something just a plain shirt? These kids can really make you think.
It’s Like The Salem Witch Trials All Over Again
Photo credit: @jilliank245 / Twitter
I understand how vultures can seem like the evil step-sisters of the pretty, pink flamingo, but they’re trying their best, okay?
It’s not their fault they naturally evolved to look like the creepy old man who lives alone in the scary house at the end of your street. It’s like the unicorn-rhino fiasco all over again.
One Part Creepy, One Part John Green Novel
People on Twitter are saying that “The Stories In My Eyes” sounds poetic, but I think it sounds a little terrifying. I think you could easily swap out the iconic line “I see dead people” from The Sixth Sense and replace it with this. On the other hand, it could easily be the title of a young adult romance novel by John Green.
This kid coming up will really make you think twice about what will happen when robots take over the world.
Tooty Parp Isn’t Even Remotely Close To The Original Word
Photo credit: @ella_bella_blue / Twitter
I’m not sure how this kid thought trumpet was tooty parp. We’re all guilty of messing up and combining words when we’re thinking of two different ones at once. But what two words could they have been thinking of?
Tootsie pop and harp? Tutti frutti and tarp? I just can’t see it.
Alcohol Is Any Adult’s Juice
All those times you thought you were sneaky in front of your kids by drinking wine out of a coffee mug turned out to be a complete failure. Kids pick up more than you think.
This kid has watched grandma run to the bathroom after drinking that prune juice. And they’ve seen mom fall over after a few too many cups of “coffee.”
We’re Way Too Close To Singularity
Photo credit: @HunterCampbell / Twitter
Advances in technology have shown us that science keeps getting closer and closer to making robots who can overthrow us. And when those robots exist, they’re going to call on their robot friends like escalators to help them take over the world.
When the escalators rise up, the uppy rooms will be right behind them.
Pingu Is Not Happy With That Comparison
Kids just love to disrespect animals that are out there trying their best. Penguins are one of the most impressive bird species. They can’t even fly, yet they’ve managed to survive on a hunk of ice at the south pole for thousands of years.
I think owls are the ones who should be called warm penguins.
Stack Five Of Those Cheese Pads On My Burger, Please
Photo credit: @cbaskerville / Twitter
There’s just something uncomfortable about the word “cheese pad.” Maybe it’s because I know this daughter will one day hit puberty and have to use sanitary pads.
For the rest of her life, every time she opens up a sanitary pad, she’ll be thinking of Kraft Singles cheese slices. She has no idea what she’s done to herself.
Elevators Aren’t So Uppy If You Fall To Your Death In One
Photo credit: @tanderny / Twitter
A lot of people have a very real fear of elevators. Sometimes it comes from a fear of tight spaces or a fear that the elevator will malfunction and drop to your death. “Uppy rooms” is way too cheerful to be used for elevators.
I suggest maybe the term “death box” or “steel walls of doom.”
I See Dead People Opening The Doors For You
Photo credit: @MissKTampaBay / Twitter
Adults are so used to simple technology like automatic doors that it’s hard to comprehend how scary they could be to a child. Why is that door opening up all by itself with no person?
For kids, the logical answer is a ghost, and you know what, I don’t blame them.
This Kid Got Straight To The Point
Photo credit: @d_cd_c / Twitter & Dea / V. Giannella / Contributor / Getty Images
I’m sick and tired of people creating names for things without just being honest. For example, why do we call them honey badgers, and not “vicious carnivore skunks.” The only honest animal out there is the tarantula hawk wasp which is just as terrifying as you’d think.
Cactus is just a poke tree hiding behind an innocent name.